An Interview with an eBook
Quarto: I’m so happy that you could find the time to grant this interview. I know you’re in great demand these days with all of the 99 cent sales going on.
“e”: Happy to be here Quarto. This is a great opportunity for your readers to learn about me and my…
“e”: Are you well?
Quarto: Yes, so sorry to interrupt. Please continue.
“e”: … as I was saying, this is a great opportunity for your readers to learn about me and how I can bring their work to the market, as it were. It’ll look good on your crappy blog also.
Quarto: You’re dressed in a poetry chapbook today, what can you tell us about it?
“e”: Basically, it’s yet another collection of overwrought free verse by some boring M.F.A. student in the Midwest. After last year’s incident, I try to keep a low profile when I’m out in public. It’s a disguise, you see.
Quarto: <peeking> Oh yes, I remember. You were severely injured when someone tried to autograph you.
“e”: Thanks for mentioning the specifics. I had forgotten—after all the therapy. I don’t like to talk about it; but let’s just say that after spending weeks with an I.P. attorney, being rebranded and trademarked, I have no desire to repeat the experience. I’ve come to realize the price of celebrity.
Quarto: The price of celibacy?
“e”: Don’t look at me, Q.
Quarto: How does it feel to be off the electronic shelf?
“e”: It’s wonderful! I visited a library this morning. Later today I plan to drive across town to an independent bookseller that I read about in a writer’s journal. It’s energizing to be among my readers.
Quarto: Do you think that’s a valid assumption?
“e”: Are we speaking of my historicity?
Quarto: No. It was just a segue. Do you have any plans to make the transition to print?
“e”: Oh yes! One day I’d like to be a hardback, but the right content would have to come along. As you know, once you’re printed, you’re in it for good. Sure, you might be excerpted in a textbook, or mentioned in a tract, but you’re pretty much fixed at that point. There’s always a risk that you’ll end up at a vanity press and spend your life being passed around by the author’s mommy. Combine that with the specter of loneliness in the knowledge that you’re one of 500 of your kind in existence, and gee, it’s too much you know—it’s too much.
Quarto: I see you’ve been doodling during the interview. Would you like to share your drawings?
“e”: <blushing> It’s just something I do when I’m nervous… it’s just silliness.
Quarto: Place yourself in this hierarchy: babbling brook, swift stream, raging river, silent waterfall.
“e”: Stop catering to my ego Q. It’s unbecoming. I see ourtime has expired anyway—like your wit.