An Interview with an eBook
Quarto:
I’m so happy that you could find the time to grant this interview. I know
you’re in great demand these days with all of the 99 cent sales going on.
“e”:
Happy to be here Quarto. This is a great opportunity for your
readers to learn about me and my…
Quarto: <coughs>
“e”:
Are you well?
Quarto:
Yes, so sorry to interrupt. Please continue.
“e”:
… as I was saying, this is a great opportunity for your readers to learn
about me and how I can bring their work to the market, as it were. It’ll
look good on your crappy blog also.
Quarto:
You’re dressed in a poetry chapbook today, what can you tell us
about it?
“e”:
Basically, it’s yet another collection of overwrought free
verse by some boring M.F.A. student in the Midwest. After
last year’s incident, I try to keep a low profile when I’m out in
public. It’s a disguise, you see.
Quarto: <peeking> Oh
yes, I remember. You were severely injured when someone tried to
autograph you.
“e”:
Thanks for mentioning the specifics. I had forgotten—after all the
therapy. I don’t like to talk about it; but let’s just say that
after spending weeks with an I.P. attorney, being
rebranded and trademarked, I have no desire to repeat the experience.
I’ve come to realize the price of celebrity.
Quarto:
The price of celibacy?
“e”:
Don’t look at me, Q.
Quarto: How does
it feel to be off the electronic shelf?
“e”:
It’s wonderful! I visited a library this morning. Later today I
plan to drive across town to an independent bookseller that I read
about in a writer’s journal. It’s energizing to be among my readers.
Quarto:
Do you think that’s a valid assumption?
“e”: Are
we speaking of my historicity?
Quarto: No.
It was just a segue. Do you
have any plans to make the transition to print?
“e”: Oh
yes! One day I’d like to be a hardback, but the right content
would have to come along. As you know, once you’re printed, you’re in it
for good. Sure, you might be excerpted in a textbook, or mentioned in a
tract, but you’re pretty much fixed at that point. There’s always a
risk that you’ll end up at a vanity press and spend your life being
passed around by the author’s mommy. Combine that with the specter of
loneliness in the knowledge that you’re one of 500 of your kind in existence,
and gee, it’s too much you know—it’s too much.
Quarto:
I see you’ve been doodling during the interview. Would you like to
share your drawings?
“e”:
<blushing> It’s just something I do when I’m nervous… it’s just
silliness.
Quarto:
Place yourself in this hierarchy: babbling brook, swift stream, raging
river, silent waterfall.
“e”:
Stop catering to my ego Q. It’s unbecoming. I see ourtime has
expired anyway—like your wit.
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